Here is a song that I wrote last semester called Bitterroot - definitely the most emotionally-charged song I’ve written
I shared during this year’s farewell banquet about this past semester and I mentioned that one of the biggest struggles I faced oldie year was bitterness towards other people. As much as I hate to admit it, I get bitter very easily towards others. Sometimes it dies with one good night’s rest, other times it robs me of that sleep for days.
Regardless, God has shown that the bitterness of my heart is undoubtedly linked to my self-idolatry. Instead of asking God to help me fight bitterness, I stew in conclusions I’ve drawn from my incomplete knowledge of the situation. Instead of reconciling with others, I balk in fear of the possibility that whatever conclusions I’ve drawn about these people in my head (apart from actually talking to them…) may be wrong. Instead of learning to love them in a Christ-like way, I imply through my actions, “My friendship with you is not worth my discomfort.”
But graciously, God is not against hurting me to show me the condition of my heart so that I may be saved by His hand. He shows me that bitterness towards others is not love for Him. It separates me from Him when I indulge in it, like persistently chewing on a withered bitterroot.
There’s more, but I’ll leave it at that for now haha. I hope this song is a blessing - not by offering a solution to bitterness but a nudge towards seeking God if you are struggling with it.
The more that I eat of you
The more I forget
The sweet taste of honey on my lips
You make me feel better
Than everybody else
Why can’t they agree with what I see
But someone I met the other day
Said my body is the bread of life, so put that root away
And I might hate Him for a little while
But I hate you more
O LORD, keep this bitterroot from choking me with thorns
You are what you eat
When I think I’ve had enough of you to fill me
Another bite won’t kill me at all
My close friends agree
You’re not as sneaky as you think you are
Their pain cries, ‘What have you done to me?’
When I am eating, I’m bleeding love
So just to clarify, this song is more emotional - that’s why I have a lyric here that does imply that “I might hate” Jesus but WAIT IT’S NOT TRUE. I only say that to illustrate how strongly my sinful heart rebels against God when He initially begins sanctifying me. I hope it’s contextually clear but if it wasn’t - I don’t hate Jesus, I love Him.